Friday, July 15, 2005

Hi? Hi. That was a pointless convo. Very. I'm talking to myself here. Shaddup.

My muse is vicious. I like to think of my muse as a she. I think she suffers of constant PMS. Whoever said muses are a joy has never met my muse. She is a sadist and pounds me till all of my essence is laid bare on the page.

I still don't feel like writing about the Salem Hysteria. The Crucible is an amazing novel - no, play. Play play play. Novel/play. It is amazing. But because I'd read it, I don't feel like writing about the hysteria. Before, I'd thought of the Salem Witch Trials as a mere historical event. Y'know, it happened, it's past, it hadn't even taken place in or affected Malaysia so why feel down about it? Now, however... after reading the novel/play, it's... I'm not terribly articulate nor particularly eloquent, and I realise that, so I don't know exactly how to describe what I'm feeling, but... well, summed up, I feel more down and depressed about it than just 'oh, it happened'. Probably because I realise that innocents were hung and weren't even given a chance. Court meant confess or hang, and both options weren't terribly appealing. And to think, it might have been avoided if not for a bunch of teen girls who accused others because they thought it 'sport'. Bleh.

Hey, I wrote about it. Sorta.

Well, I'm going to go cut me hair today. Can't stand long hair, because of the weather. Wish me luck? It's gonna go short on me and I'm slightly nervous because I'm trying a new hairdresser.

I got a phone call from my ex-nextdoorneighbour earlier today. We're around the same age, used to go to the same school, and even went there together. We were really, really close. We used to climb over the fence to visit each other every day. The fun ended when she moved away, but we still kept in touch.

I must say, though, that our convo today was the most pointless phone conversation ever.

Me: Hi.
She: Hi.

*long pause*

She: How are you?
Me: I'm fine, how are you?
She: Fine too.

*very long pause*

Me: I don't know what to say.
She: Me too.

*VERY long pause*

She: I have to go.
Me: Me too.

Yeah. It kinda deteriorated from the very beginning. Sizzled before it even properly began. We were once best friends and now have nothing to say to each other. It's disheartening, really.


Anonymous Kyels said...

The Crucible sounds nice. I'll try to get my hands on it. Yeah, courtrooms are like that. Confess or hang. Either one. Sometimes it's kinda cruel but we have to punish those who committed great sins.

Good luck with ur new haircut girl. :)

Am sorry to hear tht ur relationship wd ur close friend had deteriorated. I guess it's one of the paths that we have to walk through. I've felt all those before. Even now. I felt so distanced from my close friend and I've tried looking at all the possibilities why it happened but to no avail. *sad*

Anyways, you still have a long way to go. And I'm sure everything will turn out right for you in no time. :)


Fri Jul 15, 05:27:00 PM  
Blogger FishBalls said...

If it helps, my muse is a 250 pound post-menopausal ogre with a big stick and burning grudge against anything male.

She comes out of her cave whenever she wants to do innappropriate things to me.


Fri Jul 15, 05:32:00 PM  
Blogger Delevia said...

Kyels: Heh, yes, The Crucible is the only school-assigned book I've enjoyed. It's great. Thanks for the kind words, hehe.

Fishballs: Aiyo, that sounds painful. Very painful. And awful. *pats* Good luck with her :P

Fri Jul 15, 11:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Carm said...

How weird. I wrote something similar just now about some of my own deteriorating friendships without realising this entry of yours. I've been feeling the same lately about my own relationship with certain friends.. Uhm, Ingrid, to be exact.

Not sure if you still chat with her or anything? Because we haven't done that in ages.. And it's not like we still occasionally post comments on each other's blog or anything like you and I do. There's just no 'relationship' left, if you know what I mean..

Well I'm sure you do, after reading what you wrote here.. Sorry about it, I'm just as helpless about it as you are. :(

Sun Jul 17, 04:36:00 PM  

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